11:14 a.m. -- 2003-06-13
Entry Number : 246
Now Playing : En Vogue - My Lovin' (You're Never Gonna Get It)
Quote for Today : none.
Today I Feel :
I feel so old and used up right now. Like I'm 150 and the only thing left for me to do is just roll over and die. I hate myself for acting the way I did last night. I didn't even tell him I loved him before I left. Honestly, I don't know where I'd be if it wasn't for him. God I fucking hate this feeling in my stomach. I don't know whether to puke or just cry. What did I do to deserve this?
It makes me feel like I should just end everything until he can come be here. I mean seriously I can't handle this much longer. I just don't want to get my hopes up, and then find out he's never coming or some equally lame thing. I'm just paranoid I guess.
But once you get let down enough, you just start expecting it. God knows how many times it's happened so far.
I don't know if I would call what happened last night a fight. It was more like me not saying what I felt because it would make me look selfish and stupid, and him trying to get me to tell him what was wrong with me. But I don't think I could have told him. I can't even explain it to myself, much less someone else. I know I'm just causing him more problems. It feels so wrong for me to feel the way I do because he's already going through so much other stuff. But I count too, right?
I just feel really guilty about making a big deal out of stupid shit. Especially when Amber tells me that Tyler said Dex punched a big hole in the wall. Instead of doing anything about it I just roll over in my bed and keep on feeling sorry for myself.
See. I'm just a selfish bitch.
then || now
0 comment(s) so far.
Click here to go to a random diary entry.
Miss These?
Puppies. - 2004-09-26
The Apartment. - 2004-08-06
Daily Grind, June 27th - 2004-06-29
2004 Beale Street Music Festival - 2004-03-16
- - 2004-03-15
All contents copyright ashley-o, 2002-2004.
Image by Me.
Best viewed in 1024 x 768.