7:50 a.m. -- 2003-07-09
Entry Number : 277
Now Playing : Verve Pipe - The Freshman
Quote for Today : "I won't be held responsible, you fell in love in the first place."
Today I Feel :
So, I'm really confused about some things. Things that keep me up at night, and make me want to sit around and do nothing all day. It's not even all online stuff either. I mean my best friend has abandoned me, and I'm not sure what to do about it. She starts hanging out with these other people and just decides not to include me anymore.
It really hurts. We were practically inseparable since like the 10th grade, spending every summer glued together at the hip, never going somewhere without calling the other to see if she wanted to come.. then it all stopped. Now she calls every once in a while and blabs about all the fun she's having, not even bothering to ask what's been going on with me. So what am I supposed to do with that? She's not even the person I know anymore. I feel stupid moaning and complaining about it, but it's really hard for me to make friends, I'm so shy and all. And all of the other friends I had went away to college, and found new friends. So I'm just stuck with nothing. Nothing but me, and I get really annoying.
Then there's the whole thing with my dad reading my diary and coming over yesterday to ASK me about it. How embarassing. I totally started crying right in front of him, and he gave me a hug and made me sound like an idiot with the "it's just the internet" speech. Thanks a lot, Dad. It's not just the internet to me a lot of the time, and maybe that's where my downfall is. I take things on here way too seriously. It's too easy for people to lie, myself included. But when you are much starved for attention, such as myself, I guess it makes you feel better to know there are people out there who can relate.
I don't know. Maybe I'm just stupid. It's like I'm asking people to hurt my feelings by opening up to them some. That's why I never really let myself open up completely. Except I did with Dex.. he knew a lot more about me than I wanted him to. It just kind of falls out of me when someone shows me they care. But yes, enough babbling for today. I have to get ready for work.
then || now
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