10:48 a.m. -- 2003-03-25
Entry Number : 142
Now Playing : Amanda Perez - Angel
Quote for Today : "What's the probability that all of the contestants in the Miss USA pageant have boob jobs?"
Today I Feel :
The bruises around my battered heart
Barely have time to heal
Before your hands have squeezed again
Leaving fresh new black and blue
Have you ever seen the sky so blue?
Try to see the ocean, too.
Take a step back from the busy life.
Run through the grass without any shoes.
Watch the waves rush to the beach.
Ever moving, always flowing.
Never changing, forever going.
People change
It's not my fault
My ego can only
Be bruised so many times
If you really loved me
I wouldn't hate you so
For leaving me
Standing here all alone
You used me just to get
What you need
Not stopping to ask
What I might need
How selfless am I expected to be?
There is too much on my mind right now. I can't get to sleep at night. Last night I was awake until 2 a.m. I hate it when I get like this. When I start worrying about everyone else and my brain forgets to take care of myself. But that's just how I am. I want everyone around me to be sublimely happy.
There's really nothing I can do about it. I tell myself that the key to being happy is to convince my brain that I have nothing to be sad/depressed/angry about. That's the only way I can stay half-way normal. Dexter and I have had more meaningful conversations in the past four days than I've had with anyone in over a month. He makes me feel better about myself rather than trying to tell me what's wrong with me. I really appreciate that, Dex. Thank you for making me feel important.
"I can make it through the rain.
I can stand up once again,
On my own,
And I know
That I'm strong enough to mend."
Henry called me last night just out of the blue. He was on his way to Target and was bored, so he decided to call me? I dunno, it was kinda fun to talk to him again. I don't know what makes people think I'm just sitting around waiting for them to call me though. Henry acted like I wasn't supposed to wonder why he was calling. I was, though.
Abbey, I'm not mad at you. You're allowed to have your opinions. I just wish you'd get to know the person before you decide you don't like him/her. I don't think that's too much to ask. Everyone deserves a fair chance. Plus, you make a lot more friends that way. :x You are an interesting character, and you make my time on here much more entertaining. I think if I was to go away today and never talk to anyone again, you'd be the person I'd miss the most. Thanks for always listening to me complain about guys. I know you probably get sick of it. If you ever feel the need, just tell me to shut the hell up. I'll try not to be too offended. :">
I am sincerely disliking school which is why I'm sitting here writing a diary entry instead of listening to Ms. Parham go on and on. I think she's gonna give a pop quiz in Statistics. :| I didn't come to class last Thursday so I'll get to flunk that. Yay! I hate statistics. All they are is useless information. Who needs it? Yuck.
You know what annoys me? When girls have a fat roll around where their bra goes. Buy a damn bra that's not too small you idiots. Or wear looser clothes. Something like that. Nobody wants to see your fat hanging out all over the place. Ugh, I need a new bathing suit for summer. There's a hole in my favorite one from last year.
This is going to be a friggin' long entry. But I like having long ones. Too bad none of this will probably interest anyone but me! :x
Later gators,
Ashley Elizabeth
then || now
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