5:18 p.m. -- 2003-06-20
Entry Number : 254
Now Playing : Silence.
Quote for Today : "What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Today I Feel :
1. Is your hair naturally curly, wavy, or straight? Long or short?
My hair is naturally kind of wavy, but I got a perm almost a year ago that left my hair more wavy than it used to be. It was weird. I'm trying to let my hair grow out now. It comes about three inches past my shoulders right now.
2. How has your hair changed over your lifetime?
I've had my hair cut short, let it grow down to my butt, cut short again, permed, highlighted. It's never been another color though. Well, except when I was born I had almost black hair then it all fell out and grew back really blond. It's gotten darker as I've gotten older, which is why I get it highlighted. Otherwise, it looks blah.
3. How do your normally wear your hair?
Depends on what kind of mood I'm in. If I'm feeling lazy that day I'll put some gel in it and wear it all messy wavy or up in a clip. Usually I just blow dry straight and go. My hair is very low maintenance. Just like the rest of me. Ha.
4. If you could change your hair this minute, what would it look like?
I've always wanted blue streaks?
5. Ever had a hair disaster? What happened?
Other than a few crooked cuts, not really. One time I cut my little sister's hair. Now that was a disaster.
On to the real entry..
Today I've laid around reading. We were supposed to go to Biloxi for the weekend, but my dad farted around too long and couldn't get us a decently priced room in one of the casinos. So to make up for that, he said he'd take us to Memphis tomorrow. Shopping, woo.
I re-read The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. It made me cry. I'm not even sure why. Just when Carmen was talking about how she was mad at her dad for having a whole new family and what was wrong with her and her mom. That really got to me. Cause that's how I used to feel about my dad and Deanna. Thank god that's over. It's a lot easier to deal with his new semi-girlfriend. She's nicer, too. She seems interested in me and my sister and not JUST my dad. Of course, don't get me wrong, Deanna was nice too. And she still gives me free hair cuts. I don't know. Patrice.. the new girlfriend.. she's not around 24/7, and she's not all over Daddy when she is here. It makes me more comfortable.
Anyway, enough about that. I think I'm depressed. The way I've been laying around not wanting to do anything. Not even be on the computer. My main obsession. Not wanting to eat. Something's wrong with me. I don't know why there's something wrong with me though. Everything in my life seems ok. I've got a new job, and I actually enjoy it. My dad's been nice to me and Amber the whole time we've been here. I don't know.
It's always like this. My life gets into this little rut, and all my contentment zooms out the window. I get uncomfortable. Maybe because I feel like something is bound to go wrong. Things are going to good for it not to go wrong. You know? It's just.. confusing to anyone else probably. I can't really make sense of it myself.
Oh, man I felt horrible at Granny's funeral. It was just a little graveside service. Everyone was crying.. except me. Why is it that I didn't feel like crying? Was I even sad that she was gone? I mean.. there were just no tears anywhere near my eyes. Maybe it was because I wasn't really close to Granny. My dad was really the only person she liked enough to get close to. Granny expressed her love in a weird way. It was very common to hear her say something like "wow, you sure have gotten fat since I last saw you." Once she even said to my aunt, "Rhonda, I think you butt is bigger than mine." She was just like that. You came to expect it from her. She even told Amber she was fat once. And I mean Granny wasn't exactly skinny herself. I guess that was just her way of letting you know she cared. OH and had better not EVER walk by Granny without any socks on. She got onto us kids a billion times or more about not wearing socks. I'm gonna miss her. When we were all eating lunch at the country club after the funeral, I kept catching myself looking around for her. It was strange to be gathered together like that and not see her jammed in the middle of the racket trying to hear the person right in front of her. She was getting real hard of hearing the last couple of years.
I love being around my family like that though. The Osborne family can make any situation comfortable. At the visitation Tuesday night, in the parlour of the funeral home we all stood around watching Evan, my almost two year old cousin, dance and say "Go Granny! Go Granny!" laughing our butts off at him. Then at lunch after the funeral, my uncle John sat down at the table all of the grandkids were at and looked at Meribrooke and said, "Meribroke, I think I ate way too much. I feel like I'm about to explode. What do you think I should do?" And without skipping a beat Meribrooke looked straight at him and said, "Go poop." It was hilarious. We must have laughed about that for a good 20 minutes. It's been a while since my whole family has laughed together like that. It takes something like a funeral to bring us all together now that my parents and Traci's parents are divorced. It's so different than it used to be when we would all get together. But somehow, at times like those, it's exactly the same.
I have to stop now. I'm gonna have to go have a good cry.
Ashley Elizabeth
Love you, Dexter.
then || now
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