3:41 p.m. -- 2003-03-04
Today I Feel :
I screw up every fucking thing, man. Everything. I can't just leave shit alone and be happy with what I have. I have to go and screw with it and make everyone hate me. I'm so tired. So fed up. I miss Cam. He always makes me feel better. Where are you =/ ? Good friends are hard to find and you are definitely one of the good ones.
I feel useless.. used up maybe. Like my purpose on this planet is to watch people run over me and watch me cry. I sometimes think that's the goal of some of the people in my life. To see how many times they can make me cry. That's REALLY pathetic. But half the time I feel pathetic too. Like right now cause I'm sitting here crying like a dumbass.
I used to could hide it. From everybody. Hide everything I was feeling deep down inside me somewhere. But I guess that place got too full cause I can't hide it anymore. My mom thinks I've gone all psycho on her again. She asks me everyday if I'm doing drugs. I can't tell her that I look like shit cause I haven't been sleeping hardly at all.
Me and Mark had this conversation that we really NEEDED to have. We both apologized to each other. Which was something that needed to be done. I think everything will be ok.. after some time. He really hurt me. But I hurt him too. So that's something we have to deal with. But yeah, friends can get through stuff like this.
then || now
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