8:38 a.m. -- 2003-04-07
Entry Number : 171
Now Playing : Justin Timberlake - Take It From Here
Quote for Today : none.
Today I Feel :
To start off this entry.. which will be rather long because of what I'm about to attach to it.. I would like to quote an entry from leslieirene.
I've been thinking about loneliness.
"Lonely" is one of those adjectives with which few of us confess association. If we admit to being lonely, somehow, we are seen as sad, pathetic, even pitiful. If we refuse to admit we are lonely, we run the danger of creating some pretty lousy life situations through our desperate decisions in pursuit of a mate.
Loneliness is a void in our hearts. It's a solitary feeling, and a longing for the company of others that we sometimes don't even realize we need. I see it as a state which needs diagnosis much like depression. Lonely people hurt, and they often don't know why. They feel empty, but they can't quite put their finger on the cause. I believe that "undiagnosed" loneliness can lead us to decisions that make for a very unhappy and unhealthy life. We can become blind to all rational thought, and fail to make informed conclusions about potential friends and lovers.
When we have no one special in our lives with which we can share highs, lows, or even the most mundane of experiences, we become prone to attaching ourselves to the first person who will listen to us. We are so relieved to be out of solitary confinement, and to have someone who seems truly interested in us. This can lead to that blindness to the true facts of the relationship. We are so tired of being alone, we reach out, and make ourselves vulnerable to people who may not have our best interests at heart.
Suppose you get into a relationship or even a marriage to save your lonely heart. You may not take notice of anything but how wonderful you feel to be with someone- or sadly - anyone. Unfortunately, you may not notice that your savior man/woman has cheated on you, drained your bank account, or even persuaded you to do things that you know are morally, ethically, or legally wrong. The vulnerability loneliness creates in us is potentially life-altering in a negative manner.
When left unchecked, a lonely person can abandon all personal morals and values, and allow them to be reshaped by their mate. Identity becomes lost because they will do anything not to go back to that dreaded, terrible state of loneliness.
So, what can be done to avoid the pitfalls of loneliness? For starters, the whole stigma of loneliness must be erased. Lonely people need compassion, understanding, simple conversation, and in some cases, counseling.
Sometimes, loneliness makes us stay in a comfortable rut. We don't want to get out and meet people or do things because we are settled in our ways. We are no longer interested in risk-taking. That must be changed.
Lonely people need to get out and see who and what is out there, and not fall for the first person who shows interest in them. I know this is all so easy to say here and now, but there it is.
Loneliness. Recognize it. Confess to it. It is only through declaring your loneliness that you can take healthy steps to overcome it.
I've decided this is what "ails" me. I'm lonely. Lonely because I have no one here in this town that I feel I can relate to totally. I have no one that completely understands every part of my being. I feel as if I'm attached by this single thread to the rest of the world, being kicked around, while everyone waits for the thread to snap.
I really hate to even think about it. I hate to think that a person of my intelligence would stoop to this level of self-pity. But it's happening to me. I can see it, and it sucks so bad. I wish I had Dexter here.. to reassure me.. tell me everything is ok. I just don't know anymore. I don't know if I can be ok. I've pretended for so long. It's kind of scary to think of what could happen if I was completely honest with everyone around me.
But yes, that's just a little insight into my head. I might add another entry later. I have to go get ready for school. Oh the joy!
Sign something if you read this. Let me know what you feel.
Ashley Elizabeth
then || now
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